On the limitations of my current lifestyle

Lately, I have been frustrated with my life.  My job, my hobbies, my cats, my house... My reaction to this frustration has been a desire to just pick up and go somewhere else.  But I have to wonder if that will improve anything, or if I'll end up in the same situation, but somewhere else and with fewer friends and family. 

Moving would allow both Gabb and me to explore different career options.  It would also give us a chance to live somewhere we know will have interesting activities or geography.  However, it wouldn't change the fact that we have two cats, full time jobs with around three weeks vacation, and a 40 hour workweek.  It would also result in another housing commitment, though we could rent or buy as wanted. 

The limitation of all this, of course, is that almost all fun and entertainment that lasts more than a day or two requires planning and notice.  And it can only last as long as I don't run out of vacation time.  So how can I maximize the benefits and minimize the limitations?

On Home Improvement

This afternoon, we finished our fire pit.  We started last summer and had everything in place by winter except for the fire ring itself.  The weather has been nice for some time, but today, I started assembling the metal ring and ended up assembling everything that was left.  It was a big win, which is great, because we have so many other open projects. 

I told Emily today about how I still need to insulate the garage, and she replied that she heard insulation was easy to do.  "It is," I said.  "So why don't you just do it?"  I made a pained expression as I answered "Because I have 50 other easy things to do, and it's so hard!" 

With home improvement, it is especially easy to put things off because it's almost never something you've gotten good at.  On the other hand, it's also almost never something that's critical to get done right.  So the best thing to do is pick something and get started.  Before long, there will be another box checked in the to-do list.

On my state of mind

Right now, I want to sleep.  I want to eat.  I want to buy things.  I want to read books.  I want to leave, to drop my commitments and go see something.  At least for a while.  None of these are productive, none accomplishing anything meaningful or lasting. 

There are things I could do, things I know I should do.  Fire pit, pruning, cleaning, shelving, insulating, painting.  But I also feel that this is my weekend, my time to do as I please, to relax, do something fun, interesting, or worthwhile.  The problem is that will never get any of those to-do's off the list, and weekend after weekend I will spend my time thinking about how I want to spend my time, rather than clearing that list and truly preparing for what I want to do.  Of course, a number of things are recurring to-do's, so they will always come back.  Can I make them smaller each time?  Or alter my lifestyle or environment to remove recurring needs for good?  I have to start if I am to go.

On Structure

At some point, I started telling my bosses I work best with structure.  It felt like I was admitting a weakness, that I couldn't operate without rules or guidance.  But today I think that structure is inherently necessary.  More than that, it's necessary to deliberately plan and build that structure. 

Much as a clematis benefits from a trellis, people benefit from rules, routines, and norms.  Even those that push boundaries need the boundaries themselves, or what would they be pushing?  Take away the intentionally placed trellis, and a vining plant simply spreads, until it finally reaches some kind of structure, which could be completely undesirable. 

So rather than feeling bad that I require structure, I need to embrace and define that requirement, to ensure I grow in the right direction and grab on to the correct supports.  Others will not only acknowledge my need, they'll thank me and put in that trellis.

On Excitement

It's raining today!  It started toward the end of our hike, enough to feel it, see it, and hear it, but not enough to get soaked, get sucked into the mud, or be uncomfortable for the ride home.  And it excited me!  It started as a burst of irrational, almost primitive, happiness, and then evened out into a deep pleasure and a sense of contentment. 

To some extent, this was a model experience of excitement, which is strange to think about.  At first, it would seem like the ideal would be to be as excited as possible for as long as possible, but think about the last vacation you had to wait months for.  Extended excitement becomes excruciating, and if the vacation doesn't lead to happiness, pleasure, and contentment, then the excitement is forgotten, and the high expectations can actually lead to a worse experience. 

So rather than try to find exciting things, I'll try to find things that provide a pop of excitement that evens out into happiness and contentment.

On Getting Stuck

I am stuck.  Quite often, actually.  For me, getting stuck is most often a problem when trying to generate an idea or when writing a paper.  I don't break loose until the deadline is imminent or until I find a way to separate the process from the end result.  When writing a paper, that generally means writing out pieces in pencil, or saving a separate "Work In Progress" Word document. 

I don't know if this is a common problem, but for me I think it revolves around the fact that I never truly learned the process of iterative improvement.  I generally worked on one draft, and when that was finished, I was done.  I missed learning the skill of quickly getting an idea generated, then getting feedback, then quickly getting an outline generated, then getting feedback, then quickly getting a draft generated... feedback, 2nd draft, feedback, 3rd draft, and so on.  "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked."*  Trying to go straight to the complex system results in getting stuck.


*Known as Gall's Law, from John Gall's book Systemantics